Common Sense: The Superpower Nobody Seems to Have

Okay, listen up folks. Why is the thing we call “common sense” about as common as a unicorn riding a dinosaur? I swear I witnessed a grown adult yesterday try to fix their internet by repeatedly slapping the side of their laptop like it was a 1970s television while simultaneously complaining to customer service that “the Google isn’t working.” THE GOOGLE.

Y’all, I cannot make this stuff up. Common sense has become the superhero that’s perpetually on vacation. It’s like that friend who says they’ll help you move but texts “sorry, can’t make it” right when you’re standing next to the U-Haul with your couch halfway through the door.

Studies show that approximately 78% of people believe they have above-average common sense. Which is… mathematically impossible? But sure, Jan, you’re definitely in that top group even though you put your coffee mug on top of your car before driving off this morning.

Here’s the thing though – maybe we’re approaching this all wrong. Maybe common sense ISN’T actually that valuable anymore? gasp I know, controversial take. But think about it: we live in a world so complicated that genuine common sense would look like wizardry to someone from just 30 years ago. Is it really “common sense” to know that clicking suspicious links can give your computer digital measles? Or that you shouldn’t microwave metal? THESE WEREN’T PROBLEMS FOR MOST OF HUMAN HISTORY.

“Common sense is so rare these days it should be classified as a superpower” – and honestly, whoever said that first wasn’t wrong. It’s the new flex. Nothing says “I’ve got my life together” like knowing instinctively not to use hairspray near an open flame.

OMG, get this – I propose a quick common sense test. If you’ve ever:

• Tried to push a door marked “pull”
• Looked for your phone… while talking on it
• Asked “is it hot?” before touching a visibly steaming plate …congratulations! You’re just as human as the rest of us common-sense-challenged mortals.

The way we’re glued to our screens these days, I’m not surprised we’ve forgotten how to navigate the real world. We’ll spend hours crafting the perfect clapback to someone’s bad take on Twitter but can’t figure out that standing on both sides of the escalator creates human traffic jams. It’s giving main character syndrome for real.

No cap, I think we need to rebrand common sense. Call it “Elite Logic Premium+” and charge a monthly subscription fee. THEN watch how fast people suddenly develop it. Because nothing motivates Americans like FOMO and the chance to flex on others about having the latest upgrade.

So next time you see someone trying to take a selfie with a bear or putting their wet phone in rice and then cooking the rice for dinner (true story from my roommate, bestie what were you THINKING), remember: common sense isn’t dead. It’s just become the rarest legendary Pokémon in existence.

Stay sensible out there… or at least entertaining when you’re not.

— The Sage of Straight Talk