Rudeness Is a Choice, Not a Personality Trait

Ever met someone so rude it felt like they woke up and chose emotional violence? Spoiler: They did. Rudeness isn’t a personality flaw—it’s a decision made, repeatedly, and often with pride.

We’ve All Been There—And It Sucks

A few weeks ago, I was in line at a coffee shop when a man behind me sighed dramatically. Like, theatrical-level sighing. Then he muttered, “Some people need a timer just to pick a muffin.”

Guess who was picking a muffin? Yours truly.

I turned around, raised an eyebrow, and smiled like I was auditioning for the role of “Chill Person Who’s Definitely Internally Screaming.”

But here’s the thing: I wasn’t slow. I was deliberate. And he wasn’t impatient. He was rude.

Rudeness is never about efficiency. It’s about entitlement wrapped in bad manners.

1. Rudeness Isn’t a Mood—It’s a Mirror

People who are habitually rude aren’t revealing their feelings. They’re revealing their framework.

Think of rudeness like a cracked mirror: it’s not just reflecting the world poorly—it’s distorting it to protect a fragile ego.

Why do people choose rudeness?

• It creates a false sense of control.
• It deflects blame and avoids vulnerability.
• It signals superiority without needing to earn it.

It’s like using a foghorn to whisper: loud, obnoxious, and unnecessary.

I once worked with a guy who barked orders like we were in a war zone (spoiler: it was just a PowerPoint presentation). When challenged, he’d smirk and say, “I just tell it like it is.”

No, you tell it like a toddler with a thesaurus and zero empathy.

“Rudeness is the armor of the insecure, not the weapon of the strong.”

2. Apologies Are Free—So Why Are They So Rare?

Rude people act like “Excuse me” costs $49.99 and an emotional co-pay.

They bump into you and keep walking like they’re allergic to accountability. They interrupt conversations like it’s a competitive sport. And if you confront them? You’re “too sensitive.”

Understatement alert: Being decent isn’t that hard.

Here’s what’s really going on:

• They equate apologizing with admitting weakness.
• They confuse assertiveness with aggression.
• They never learned the art of repair because they’re stuck in defense mode 24/7.

When did we decide that basic manners were optional? Probably around the same time we started calling narcissism “confidence.”

Pro tip: A heartfelt “Sorry about that!” does more for your character than a thousand TED Talks on emotional intelligence.

3. The Growth-Averse Guide to Being the Worst

You know what rude people hate more than being called out? Being asked to grow up.

Because that would mean:

• Looking in the mirror without excuses.
• Confronting their own emotional laziness.
• Choosing evolution over ego.

Rudeness is the adult version of a tantrum. Only now, it comes with passive-aggressive emails and loudly slammed office doors.

I once suggested a colleague take a softer tone in team meetings. Her response? “I’m not here to make friends.”

Congratulations, Brenda. Mission accomplished.

VALUE VAULT: WHAT YOU CAN DO DIFFERENTLY

Here’s what you gain from side-stepping the rude route:

• Emotional clarity: You respond, not react.
• Connection: People actually want to be around you.
• Credibility: Manners build respect faster than any title.

One actionable takeaway: Pause before you pounce. If someone annoys you, try this mental checklist:

• Are they truly being disrespectful?
• Or am I just inconvenienced?

Golden Rule Remix: Treat others how you’d want your favorite person to be treated.

THE GRAND FINALE

So next time someone skips the “excuse me” and dives straight into condescension, remember this:

Being rude doesn’t make someone honest, confident, or “real.”

It just makes them… forgettable.

(And possibly in need of a timeout. But that’s another post.) – The Sage of Straight Talk