From ‘Is a Bottle of Wine Too Much’ to Calling 911: The Search History That Shows What Addiction Really Looks Like
Six months of Google searches reveal addiction’s real progression: from “is a bottle of wine too much” at 11:47 PM to “suicide hotline” at 4:15 AM. See what people actually search when nobody’s watching.
A Note Before You Begin
What you’re about to read is a Google search history. That’s all it is. Just searches.
But search histories don’t lie. We lie to everyone else, but we tell the truth to Google at 2 AM.
This is six months of someone’s truth. Their real questions. Their 3 AM panic. Their shame. Their bargaining. Their descent.
The person whose searches these are? Could be anyone. Could be your brother. Your mom. Your coworker. Your spouse.
Could be you.
These searches are real patterns compiled from real people. The timestamps matter. The typos matter. The deleted searches matter most of all.
If you’re in active addiction, this will hurt.
If you love someone in active addiction, this will hurt worse.
If you’ve never known addiction, this will show you what it actually looks like when nobody’s watching.
There’s no narrative here. No explanation. No therapy-speak.
Just the searches.
Just the truth.
JUNE 2024
June 3, 2024 – 11:47 PM “how much wine is too much per night” “is a bottle of wine a night too much” “health benefits of red wine”
June 3, 2024 – 11:54 PM “celebrities who drink wine every night” “french people drink wine daily”
June 8, 2024 – 10:23 PM “how to tell if you’re an alcoholic” “alcoholic quiz” “am I an alcoholic if I only drink wine”
June 8, 2024 – 10:31 PM [Cleared browser history]
June 12, 2024 – 1:47 AM “why can’t I sleep without wine” “is it bad to need wine to sleep” “natural sleep remedies”
June 15, 2024 – 9:15 AM “hangover cures that actually work” “how to hide hangover at work” “coffee and aspirin hangover”
June 15, 2024 – 9:18 AM “do I have a drinking problem quiz” [Result clicked: “You may want to consider cutting back”] [Window closed immediately]
June 22, 2024 – 11:34 PM “can you be a functional alcoholic” “high functioning alcoholic signs” “successful people who drink every day”
June 27, 2024 – 2:15 AM “how long does wine stay in your system” “alcohol metabolism rate” “will I pass breathalyzer in morning”
June 28, 2024 – 7:43 AM “called in sick to work too much” “good excuses to call in sick”
JULY 2024
July 3, 2024 – 10:47 PM “does drinking every night mean you’re an alcoholic” “can you drink every night and not be an alcoholic”
July 3, 2024 – 10:52 PM “difference between alcoholic and heavy drinker”
July 5, 2024 – 1:23 AM “why do I black out when I drink” “alcohol blackouts dangerous” “how to prevent blackouts”
July 6, 2024 – 6:34 AM “what did I do last night” “how to remember things from blackout”
July 6, 2024 – 6:41 AM “did I send embarrassing texts last night how to check” [Checked: Messages app, 47 minutes browsing]
July 6, 2024 – 7:28 AM “how to apologize for drunk behavior”
July 8, 2024 – 3:12 AM “liver damage symptoms” “can liver repair itself” “how much drinking causes liver damage”
July 8, 2024 – 3:19 AM [INCOGNITO MODE] “early signs of liver failure” “can you reverse liver damage if you stop drinking” [INCOGNITO MODE CLOSED]
July 12, 2024 – 11:15 PM “moderation management” “can alcoholics learn to drink moderately” “controlled drinking programs”
July 14, 2024 – 9:45 PM “how to cut back on drinking” “how to drink less wine” “tips for drinking in moderation”
July 14, 2024 – 11:47 PM “wine delivery near me open late” “24 hour liquor store”
July 18, 2024 – 2:47 AM “do my kids know I’m drunk” “can children tell when parent is drunk”
July 18, 2024 – 2:51 AM [Deleted from history]
July 20, 2024 – 8:15 AM “how to hide alcohol smell from kids” “what gets rid of alcohol breath” “do mints cover alcohol smell”
July 23, 2024 – 1:34 AM “how to stop drinking on your own” “can you quit drinking without rehab” “how to detox from alcohol at home”
July 23, 2024 – 1:41 AM “alcohol withdrawal symptoms” “can you die from alcohol withdrawal” “how long does alcohol withdrawal last”
July 23, 2024 – 1:43 AM [Cleared browser history]
July 24, 2024 – 10:23 PM “AA meetings near me” “do you have to talk at AA meetings” “can you go to AA if you’re not ready to quit”
July 24, 2024 – 10:31 PM [Window closed]
July 28, 2024 – 4:47 AM “why do I drink so much” “childhood trauma and alcoholism” “does depression cause alcoholism”
AUGUST 2024
August 2, 2024 – 12:15 AM “how to drink without getting drunk” “how to pace yourself drinking”
August 2, 2024 – 2:34 AM “wine delivery” [Order placed: 2 bottles]
August 5, 2024 – 1:23 AM “spouse threatening to leave because of drinking” “how to prove you don’t have a drinking problem” “my wife thinks I’m an alcoholic but I’m not”
August 7, 2024 – 9:47 AM “marriage counselors near me” “how much does marriage counseling cost”
August 7, 2024 – 9:53 AM “can I drink before therapy session” “will therapist know if I’ve been drinking”
August 9, 2024 – 3:45 AM [INCOGNITO MODE] “did I hurt my child” “accidentally hit child what to do” “CPS signs of parental alcoholism” [INCOGNITO MODE CLOSED]
August 9, 2024 – 3:51 AM [Entire browser history deleted] [Phone factory reset at 4:02 AM]
August 12, 2024 – 7:15 AM “how to apologize to kids for drinking” “explaining alcoholism to 8 year old”
August 12, 2024 – 7:22 AM [Deleted from history]
August 14, 2024 – 11:34 PM “inpatient rehab near me” “how long is rehab” “how much does rehab cost without insurance”
August 14, 2024 – 11:47 PM “outpatient rehab” “can you do rehab while working” “online alcohol treatment programs”
August 14, 2024 – 11:52 PM [All tabs closed]
August 15, 2024 – 1:23 AM “why can’t I stop drinking” “why do I keep drinking when I want to stop”
August 18, 2024 – 2:47 AM “am I going to die from drinking” “alcohol related deaths statistics” “youngest person to die from alcoholism”
August 21, 2024 – 6:34 AM “threw up blood is it serious” “vomiting blood after drinking” “when to go to ER for vomiting blood”
August 21, 2024 – 6:41 AM “can ER tell if you’ve been drinking” “do hospitals report alcoholics”
August 21, 2024 – 6:43 AM “home remedies for vomiting blood”
August 23, 2024 – 4:15 AM “hands shaking in morning” “alcohol tremors” “how to stop shaking after drinking”
August 26, 2024 – 10:47 PM “AA meetings that don’t mention god” “alternatives to AA” “SMART Recovery meetings”
August 26, 2024 – 11:15 PM “can you go to AA meeting drunk”
August 29, 2024 – 1:56 AM “my spouse is leaving me” “emergency custody hearing” “do I need a lawyer for custody”
August 29, 2024 – 2:34 AM “how to prove you’re a good parent” “can they take your kids for drinking”
August 29, 2024 – 2:47 AM [INCOGNITO MODE] “CPS home visit what do they look for” “how to pass sobriety test” “fake urine test” [INCOGNITO MODE CLOSED]
SEPTEMBER 2024
September 1, 2024 – 3:23 AM “motels near me cheap” “weekly motel rates”
September 2, 2024 – 11:47 PM “how to stop drinking cold turkey” “quitting alcohol without help”
September 3, 2024 – 2:15 AM “alcohol withdrawal day 1” “is it normal to hallucinate when quitting drinking”
September 3, 2024 – 4:47 AM “am I having a seizure” “alcohol withdrawal seizure symptoms”
September 3, 2024 – 4:52 AM “urgent care near me open now”
September 3, 2024 – 5:01 AM [Cleared history]
September 3, 2024 – 9:34 AM “liquor store near me”
September 6, 2024 – 1:45 AM “how much does a DUI lawyer cost” “first offense DUI penalties” “will I go to jail for first DUI”
September 6, 2024 – 2:03 AM “how to tell work you got a DUI” “can you lose your job for DUI”
September 6, 2024 – 2:15 AM “ignition interlock device cost”
September 7, 2024 – 3:34 AM [NEWS SEARCH: local DUI accidents date:september 6] [Clicked: 7 articles] [Searched names of victims]
September 7, 2024 – 3:47 AM “did anyone die in accident on [street name]”
September 7, 2024 – 3:51 AM [INCOGNITO MODE] “leaving scene of accident penalty” “do they know who was driving” [INCOGNITO MODE CLOSED]
September 7, 2024 – 3:58 AM [Phone powered off]
September 8, 2024 – 11:23 AM “public defenders DUI cases” “how to get a public defender”
September 12, 2024 – 2:47 AM “AA meeting [city name]” [Directions requested to: church address] [Navigation cancelled after 3 minutes]
September 14, 2024 – 1:15 AM “how to apologize to someone you hurt while drunk” “making amends in recovery” “is it too late to apologize”
September 14, 2024 – 1:34 AM “what to say to kids when you’ve been a bad parent”
September 14, 2024 – 1:41 AM [Deleted from history]
September 16, 2024 – 4:23 AM “cheapest rehab options” “state funded rehab programs” “free detox centers”
September 16, 2024 – 4:35 AM “can you go to rehab if you’re homeless” “homeless shelters near me”
September 19, 2024 – 3:47 AM “how to get sober without money” “free AA meetings” “churches that help alcoholics”
September 22, 2024 – 2:15 AM “chances of getting custody back” “supervised visitation how does it work” “what happens at supervised visitation”
September 25, 2024 – 1:47 AM “jobs that don’t care about DUI” “jobs for convicted drunk drivers”
September 25, 2024 – 1:52 AM “how to explain employment gap”
September 28, 2024 – 5:34 AM “day 1 sober” “how to get through first day without drinking”
September 28, 2024 – 11:47 AM “liquor store”
September 28, 2024 – 11:52 AM [Cleared history]
OCTOBER 2024
October 1, 2024 – 2:34 AM “I can’t stop drinking” “why do I keep relapsing” “how many tries does it take to get sober”
October 3, 2024 – 4:15 AM “suicide hotline” “crisis text line”
October 3, 2024 – 4:18 AM [Phone call to: 988] [Duration: 47 minutes]
October 4, 2024 – 9:23 AM “inpatient rehab that takes medicaid” “30 day rehab programs” “how to tell family you’re going to rehab”
October 4, 2024 – 9:47 AM “what to pack for rehab” “can you have your phone in rehab”
October 7, 2024 – 3:34 AM “what happens if you relapse before rehab” “can you go to rehab drunk”
October 9, 2024 – 11:15 PM “detox centers that take walk ins” “medical detox vs rehab”
October 12, 2024 – 1:47 AM “alcohol poisoning symptoms” “how much alcohol can kill you” “BAC death level”
October 12, 2024 – 1:53 AM “should I call 911” “will I get arrested if ambulance comes”
October 12, 2024 – 1:56 AM [Call to: 911]
October 12, 2024 – 2:03 AM [Last activity on this device]
[PHONE RECOVERED BY HOSPITAL STAFF]
OCTOBER 15, 2024 – 6:47 AM
[New searches from: Hospital Guest WiFi]
“how long do you stay in hospital for alcohol poisoning” “when can I leave hospital AMA”
October 15, 2024 – 9:23 AM “what happens in hospital psychiatric hold” “72 hour hold can you refuse”
October 16, 2024 – 2:34 PM “treatment centers near [hospital name]” “does insurance cover rehab”
October 18, 2024 – 10:15 AM “what is rehab actually like” “success rate of alcohol rehab” “do people actually stay sober after rehab”
October 19, 2024 – 8:47 PM “how to tell kids you’re going to rehab” “explaining rehab to children”
October 20, 2024 – 7:23 AM “first day of rehab what to expect”
[NO SEARCH ACTIVITY: OCTOBER 21 – NOVEMBER 15]
[Device powered off or no internet access]
NOVEMBER 16, 2024 – 9:34 AM
[New searches from: [Rehab Facility] Guest Network]
“sober living houses near me” “how much does sober living cost” “can you work while in sober living”
November 16, 2024 – 10:47 AM “how to rebuild relationship with kids after rehab” “amends letters to children”
November 18, 2024 – 3:23 AM “why can’t I sleep sober” “insomnia in early recovery” “how long until sleep gets better after quitting drinking”
November 20, 2024 – 2:15 AM “90 meetings in 90 days” “how to find AA sponsor” “what to look for in sponsor”
November 22, 2024 – 11:47 PM “how long until cravings go away” “day 32 sober” “PAWS symptoms”
November 24, 2024 – 1:34 AM “is it normal to hate being sober” “does sobriety get easier” “will I ever feel normal again”
November 27, 2024 – 4:47 AM “relapse prevention plan” “relapse triggers” “what to do when you want to drink”
November 28, 2024 – 10:23 AM “jobs in recovery friendly workplaces” “how to explain rehab on resume”
November 30, 2024 – 2:47 AM “day 40 sober still struggling” “does it get better after 30 days”
DECEMBER 2024
December 2, 2024 – 9:15 AM “apartment hunting with DUI on record” “landlords that accept tenants with criminal records”
December 5, 2024 – 11:34 PM “staying sober during holidays” “how to handle family events sober” “what to say when people ask why you’re not drinking”
December 8, 2024 – 1:47 AM “supervised visitation went well” “how long until supervised visitation ends” “when can I have my kids back”
December 10, 2024 – 3:23 AM “2 months sober” “sobriety anniversary calculator”
December 12, 2024 – 4:15 AM “why do I still want to drink” “will cravings ever stop” “people who relapse after 60 days”
December 14, 2024 – 2:34 AM “liquor stores near me”
December 14, 2024 – 2:36 AM [Deleted from history]
December 14, 2024 – 2:38 AM “call sponsor middle of night” “AA helpline”
December 14, 2024 – 2:45 AM [Outgoing call to: Sponsor] [Duration: 1 hour, 12 minutes]
December 15, 2024 – 9:47 AM “what to do after almost relapsing” “is thinking about drinking a relapse”
December 17, 2024 – 11:23 PM “meeting with ex-spouse after rehab” “how to apologize for everything” “is sorry enough”
December 18, 2024 – 10:15 AM “day 1 of unsupervised visitation” “activities to do with kids when sober” “rebuilding trust with children”
December 19, 2024 – 3:47 AM “sponsor isn’t answering” “AA meeting emergency”
December 19, 2024 – 4:23 AM “24 hour AA meetings [city]” [Directions requested] [Arrived at destination: 4:58 AM]
December 20, 2024 – 8:34 AM “day 70 sober” “what people don’t tell you about getting sober” “the hardest part of sobriety”
December 21, 2024 – 2:15 AM “does life get better sober” “is sobriety worth it” “why is being sober so hard”
December 21, 2024 – 2:34 AM “sober people happy” “long term sobriety success stories”
December 21, 2024 – 2:47 AM “how to want to stay sober”
[CURRENT SEARCH HISTORY ENDS]
WHAT YOU JUST READ
That was six months.
June to December.
From “is a bottle of wine too much” to calling 911 at 2 AM.
From functional to hospital.
From parent to supervised visitation.
From “I don’t have a problem” to 70 days sober and still searching “is sobriety worth it” at 2:15 in the morning.
Notice what wasn’t there:
No dramatic intervention. No rock bottom revelation. No tearful family reconciliation. No “I’m cured” moment.
Just searches.
Each one a tiny cry for help typed into the void.
Each timestamp a record of another sleepless night.
Each deleted search a moment of shame.
Each “near me” search a moment of desperation.
THE SEARCHES THAT MATTER MOST
The ones that got deleted:
“did I hurt my child”
The ones searched in incognito:
“can you die from alcohol withdrawal”
The ones that show the lying:
“how to hide alcohol smell from kids”
The ones that show the bargaining:
“can alcoholics learn to drink moderately”
The ones that show the terror:
“vomiting blood after drinking”
The ones that show the consequences:
“will I go to jail for first DUI”
The ones that show hope:
“what to pack for rehab”
The ones that show ongoing struggle:
“day 70 sober” … “why is being sober so hard”
THE PATTERN
June: Denial (“I’m not an alcoholic, I just drink every night”)
July: Bargaining (“Maybe I can cut back on my own”)
August: Crisis (“Did I hurt my child?”)
September: Consequences (DUI, custody, homelessness)
October: Rock bottom (Suicide hotline, 911, hospital)
October-November: Treatment (No searches for 26 days)
December: Early recovery (“Day 70 sober… is sobriety worth it?”)
WHAT THE SEARCHES DON’T SHOW
The actual drinking.
The blackouts.
The fights with their spouse.
The moment their kid asked “Why do you smell like that?”
The accident.
The night in the hospital.
The 26 days in rehab.
The first time seeing their kids again.
Because you can’t Google those. You can only live them.
FOR THE PERSON READING THIS WHO RECOGNIZES THESE SEARCHES
You know who you are.
You’ve typed some version of these words.
Maybe at 2 AM. Maybe in incognito mode. Maybe while drunk. Maybe while desperately trying not to drink.
Here’s what I need you to know:
The person whose searches these are made it to December 21st.
Made it to day 70.
Made it to unsupervised visitation.
Made it to calling their sponsor at 2:45 AM instead of going to the liquor store.
They’re not “cured.” Look at those December searches. They’re still struggling. Still searching “is sobriety worth it” in the middle of the night.
But they’re searching. Not drinking. Searching.
And that’s the difference between June and December.
June: “how much wine is too much per night”
December: “sponsor isn’t answering” … [directions to 24-hour AA meeting]
One is still asking permission to drink.
The other is actively fighting to stay sober.
FOR THE PERSON READING THIS WHO LOVES SOMEONE IN ADDICTION
You’ve seen the signs.
The lying. The hiding. The personality change. The missing money. The broken promises.
And you’ve probably searched some things yourself:
“how to help an alcoholic who doesn’t want help” “can you force someone into rehab” “am I enabling” “al-anon meetings near me”
Here’s the truth you need:
You cannot Google someone sober.
You cannot love them sober.
You cannot threaten them sober.
You cannot beg them sober.
Look at those searches. The person typed “how to stop drinking” on July 23rd.
They didn’t stop.
They typed “inpatient rehab near me” on August 14th.
They didn’t go.
They typed “AA meetings near me” on July 24th, got directions, then cancelled navigation after 3 minutes.
They weren’t ready.
It took until October 12th—until 911—until nearly dying—for them to be ready.
And even then, look at December. Day 70 and still searching “why is being sober so hard.”
Recovery isn’t a switch. It’s a fight.
And it’s their fight. Not yours.
FOR THE PERSON READING THIS WHO HAS NEVER KNOWN ADDICTION
Now you know what it looks like when nobody’s watching.
Not the “dramatic moment” version from movies.
The real version. The search history version.
The 2 AM terror.
The incognito shame.
The deleted evidence.
The desperate bargaining.
The slow collapse of a life.
And the brutal, unglamorous struggle of early recovery.
This is what addiction looks like in 2024.
Not in alleyways. In search bars.
Not in dramatic confrontations. In private browser windows.
Not in obvious ways. In typos at 3 AM and cleared history and “near me” searches for help the person isn’t ready to get.
THE LAST SEARCH
Look at the final search in this history:
December 21, 2024 – 2:47 AM “how to want to stay sober”
Not “how to stay sober.”
“How to WANT to.”
Because that’s the real fight. Not the physical withdrawal. Not the cravings. Not even the rebuilding.
The fight to want it.
To want sobriety more than the escape.
To want the hard, painful, beautiful work of being present for your life.
To want to be the person who shows up for their kids, even when being numb would be easier.
The person whose searches these are?
They’re still fighting.
Still searching.
Still showing up at AA meetings at 5 AM when the craving hits.
Still calling their sponsor.
Still taking it one day at a time.
Day 70.
Then day 71.
Then day 72.
Not because they’ve figured it out.
Because they’re still searching for how to want it.
And that searching—that honest, vulnerable, 2-47-AM searching—is what recovery actually looks like.
A FINAL NOTE
If you recognized yourself in these searches, here’s what you search next:
“SAMHSA national helpline” (1-800-662-4357)
“AA meetings near me”
“SMART Recovery online”
“crisis text line” (text HOME to 741741)
Not in incognito mode.
Not at 3 AM.
Right now.
And then you close the browser.
And you make the call.
Because you can’t Google yourself sober.
But you can Google the first step toward getting help.
And that’s what the person whose searches these are finally did.
On October 12th, 2024, at 1:56 AM, they didn’t search.
They called.
That’s the search that saved their life.
For anyone fighting: The search history continues. Day by day. Search by search. One “how to stay sober today” at a time.
You’re not alone in what you’re typing at 2 AM. Someone else is typing it too. Right now. In another city. Another bedroom. Another moment of desperation or hope.
Keep searching. But eventually, stop searching and start calling.
The number is 1-800-662-4357.
It’s always open. Even at 2:47 AM.
[End of search history]
[But not end of story]
[The story continues every time someone searches “day 1 sober” instead of “liquor store near me”]
[Every time someone calls their sponsor instead of clearing their history]
[Every time someone chooses the harder search]
You can’t unsee these searches. Because if you’ve typed even ONE of them, you know exactly how real this is. Because this isn’t a story—it’s a mirror.
Discover more from Lifestyle Record
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.