Over the past year, I’ve been enjoying a deep, genuine connection with a friend who turned into my girlfriend. Everything about her—her humor, intelligence, and warmth—has made this journey unforgettable. Yet, despite our emotional closeness, I found myself wrestling with an unexpected challenge: a lack of physical attraction due to differences in body type. This inner conflict left me wondering about the balance between emotional connection and physical desire. In that moment, I asked myself: Should I give our connection more time to overcome these physical attraction challenges, or is it time to rethink the relationship?
Ever notice how the heart and the mind sometimes feel like they’re running completely different dating apps? Your heart swipes right on someone’s personality while your body’s like, “Yeah, I’m gonna need to see some ID before we proceed.” Let me tell you, this emotional tug-of-war is more common than those perfectly filtered Instagram relationships would have you believe.
“Chemistry isn’t just about connecting minds—it’s the full-body experience of wanting to be with someone in every possible way.”
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The Attraction Equation: More Complex Than Rocket Science
According to my completely made-up but totally believable research, about 68% of people have dated someone they weren’t initially physically attracted to, and of those, only 23% developed that attraction over time. [adjusts imaginary professor glasses while nodding sagely]
Here’s the thing about physical attraction—it’s like your body’s voting system. You don’t control who gets your vote, you just cast it. And feeling bad about having preferences is like apologizing for not enjoying cilantro when it tastes like soap to you. It doesn’t make you shallow; it makes you human.
The Brutal Honesty Section
I’m dead serious though: continuing a relationship where physical attraction is missing isn’t doing either of you any favors. Physical intimacy is a fundamental pillar of romantic relationships for most people. Without it, you’re essentially signing up for what might become a very close friendship with awkward benefits.
Dating someone while secretly hoping their body will change is about as fair as someone dating you while secretly hoping your personality will improve. Both scenarios leave someone feeling inadequate for something they may not want to—or be able to—change.
“True compatibility requires honesty with yourself first, then with others. Anything less is just a well-intentioned lie with an expiration date.”
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Your Navigation Options (No GPS Required)
- The Honest Conversation Route [braces for emotional turbulence] Give yourself a timeline—say, another month—to see if attraction develops naturally. If it doesn’t, have an honest conversation. Not about her weight (seriously, don’t), but about your overall compatibility. Something like: “I value our connection deeply, but I’m not feeling the romantic chemistry I need for a relationship to work long-term.”
- The Self-Examination Detour [digs deeper into your psychological baggage] Sometimes our attraction “types” are programmed by media or past experiences. Ask yourself: Am I not attracted to her, or am I worried about what others might think? If it’s the latter, that’s a different issue entirely.
- The Physical Exploration Experiment [wiggles eyebrows thoughtfully] Physical attraction isn’t just visual. Sometimes it develops through touch, shared activities, or intimate moments. Have you explored different aspects of physical intimacy to see if other elements spark attraction?
- The Clean Break Solution [delivers truth with a gentle hammer] If you’ve given it genuine effort and the attraction just isn’t developing, the kindest thing might be ending things sooner rather than later. Everyone deserves a partner who desires them completely.
I know most people swear by “looks don’t matter if you love someone enough,” but that’s oversimplified. Physical attraction might not be everything, but pretending it’s nothing is setting yourself up for frustration and your partner up for heartbreak.
The Bottom Line (With Extra Truth Sauce)
Your preferences don’t make you shallow—they make you authentic.
“Acknowledging your truth isn’t cruelty; it’s the highest form of respect you can offer someone—even when that truth isn’t what either of you hoped for.”
The most unselfish thing here isn’t forcing yourself to be with someone you’re not attracted to—it’s giving both of you the opportunity to find partners who desire you completely, inside and out.
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Your Streetwise Homework
This week, have one brutally honest conversation with yourself about your non-negotiables in a relationship. Write them down. If physical attraction is genuinely on that list (and for most people, it is), honor that truth instead of trying to logic your way around it.
What’s the kindest way you’ve ever ended a relationship that wasn’t working? I’m dying to know your smooth exit strategies!
Imagine you met someone with the perfect personality but zero physical chemistry. What would be your move—try to develop attraction or move on?
Until next time, may your heart and body cast the same vote – The Sage of Streetwise Wisdom!
Disclaimer: This post contains dangerously practical advice. Side effects may include sudden clarity, uncomfortable self-awareness, and the irresistible urge to make decisions you’ve been avoiding. No sugar-coating injuries are covered under this warranty.